I wake up way before anyone is legally supposed to, don't converse with anybody until I've had my first of many mandatory doses of caffeine for the day and sit myself down in front of morning telly which alternates between hardcore news from around the globe to the shallow and fickle goings on of Hollywood celebrities.
Here's the same news I've been waking up to for the past week:
1. It's 60 days to Christmas (I started with them when they were at 70, so if you've forgotten how now's the chance to brush up on counting backwards all the way to Christmas Day... hooray).
2. We are all going to die faster and so are our children because we are all lazy fat bums who gobble up tons and tons of food with no thought to nutrition or a healthy lifestyle.
3. We are a stressed nation, be it due to mishandling of our money, work, home, kids, ... (fill in the blank). We are so helpless but obviously not beyond despair as most of us are now turning to life coaches to pat us on the back and tell us how great we are (even though we may be shit and yes if you're wondering you pay them to do so.. Sad enough?
4. We are terrible with money. We shop too much, we accumulate debt too fast ( I wonder if point number three has got anything to do with this) and most of us have been victims of credit card fraud. No sense or sensibility people!
5. We are a drunken nation who knocks back liquor better than water and it's the middle class who are at risk (and we thought we were the sensible ones!!!) and you mums-to-be are not any better than the rest of us it seems. Tsk, tsk!
6. Can Britney Spears be saved dammit? Yes, this is serious news all.
6. Did I mention that it's SIXTY DAYS TO CHRISTMAS yet?